Wow, Its been a While

 I haven't posted in a while because I have been in the hospital on and off since September of last year I tried to post in between hospital stays.. I was put on a ventilator 3 times and each time they told my family I most likely wouldn't make it but I did obviously. I came off of the vent and I was so weak and couldn't even lift my arms and was struggling to breathe and it was terrible they called my family in and discussed what was going on and told my family it was time to say their goodbyes because I was in bad shape and I really thought it was the end as well and let me tell you I was scared shitless and wondered was it going to be painful or peaceful, I worried how my family was going to handle things, How my children were going to go on without me because I lost my mom when I was 30 and let me tell you it really broke my heart and I had a hard time handling it for a couple years to be honest.  Anyways, I obviously took a turn and made it and they sent me to a rehab facility where I really lost it and had several panic attacks, they took me off ALL of my meds that I have been on for years so that really messed with me and when and if  they gave me meds it wasn't what I was suppose to be taking and it didn't help me at all.In order to go home I had to be able to stand and transfer to another piece of furniture on my own and that sounds easy right?? Well it sucked because being in a hospital bed for so long I couldn't do that because my muscles weren't working so I had to work with therapy to get this done. Let me tell you when I was able to stand I cried. so we did that several times over the next few days, and I wanted to try and walk I was able to take a few steps each day a few more but I had bars to hold on to because I am not steady. well they released me from rehab center and I am home. I have to use a walker and I still tire very easily and its a challenge to get in and out out bed and I also have to be careful that I don't try and walk to far. I am happy to be alive first and foremost, I am happy to be home, I am happy to be back on my normal meds, and I am happy to be back with my internet friends that have sent so many prayers and positive vibes. You all are the best.. Thank you for taking time out of your days for me, and  thank you for thinking about me. I just cant thank you enough or express how much it means to me. but Im sending much love to all of you!!!